Ships that will never sail

I'm not a shipper, but I still have ideas on characters' relationships with eachother that I'd like to announce. The "Friendship" section is just a bonus. I'm only gonna do the crappier, newer Final Fantasy characters because I dunno why.

Canon:
Yuna/Tidus - I can't really explain this. Maybe it's because FFX/X-2 were my first FFs and I just have a soft spot for these two.

Serah/Snow - I'm not even gonna lie to you, they're only here to fill the list. I don't care about them at all and Snow is kind of lame.

Rikku/Gippal - Don't see why not. I enjoy both characters, I'd probably enjoy the porn as well.

Non-canon:
Auron/Rikku - well, not really. I like the thought of Rikku having a crush on Auron and wanting him so bad, but not Auron wanting Rikku (don't stand, don't stand so, don't stand so close to me~). I think this ship is super lame unless it's my idea.

Balthier/Penelo - Same thing. Penelo crushing on that smoothasfuck sky pirate, but not the other way around. I think it'd be hilarious if he lead her on for fun, but that's as far as it'd go for him.

Auron/Lulu - Anyone ever watch or read NANA? I can totally see these two being an older version of Junko and Kyosuke. The amount of maturity and wisdom in there would be enough to make it super hot.

Yuna(X-2)/Ashe - Not including Noa, Yuna was my first gamegirl love. After her came Ashe, and ever since then, I've wanted something to happen with the two of them. It was friendship at first, but my mind became a lot dirtier over the years so now I want some lesbian stuff to go on. I don't even give a fuck about a relationship to happen between these two, this ship only exists for my objectification needs.

Rikku(x-2)/Vanille - Rikku would totally be the dominant one to innocent little Vanille and it would be hot.

Yuna(x)/Seymour - There's something incredibly amazing about the thought of hesitant Yuna getting fucked by Seymour, who's totally into her... on their honeymoon, heh heh. You pervert.

Shiva(X)/Rikku - Pure crack.

Balthier or Auron/any female - those two are fuckin hot, I don't even care that they don't and never will exist in real life. This is my imagination and they're both welcome to screw any of the FF females using my mind as their bedroom.

Friendships:
Balthier/Fran - I know everyone and their mother ships these two, but I can't. I see the signs that the shippers see, but I like to take them and twist them into something they either are or aren't. I like to think these two are so close, they can change their clothes in the same room, facing eachother and even having a conversation, without wanting to or even thinking about fucking. Ever. Has anyone seen Aerosmith's video for 'Crazy'? Yeah, most everyone agrees that Liv Tyler's and Alicia Silverstone's characters in that vid are lesbos, but I don't. They're just super close friends having fun and taking that fun to a different level that only looks sexual but actually isn't, in my eyes. This is how I see Balthier and Fran.

Fang/Vanille - I like a good lesbian relationship or fling as much as the next lame-o in that minority, but the way Fang treats Vanille just won't allow me to enjoy this one. It looks like big brother protecting little sister to me. It's awesome, but not in a sexy time way.

Sazh/Vanille - They are great. I love the thought of a middle-aged man and a teenage girl having a strong friendship. That's some variety shit right there, man.

Lightning/Ashe - Maybe just as frenemies. Never really thought of it until now. I think this is a sign for me to end this, because now I'm just sitting here thinking of possible pairings and they just suck.